Ooops:  DBSK


It seems I NEVER update here anymore... well in fact I don't really update anywhere.  Life is keeping me going a thousand miles a minute and it barely slows down.

And yet my academic life is getting so lazy.  Its my last semester at CSU and I'm juggling a hundred things, and quite frankly school is not what I want to be my top priority.  Hell there's one class that I've barely cracked the book open for, granted I've covered the material in three different classes so that helps a TON, but still, Senioritis much?

Japanese is really the class that is giving me the most trouble.  As many can attest to, the Beecken has gone off the deep end.  The expectations are raised so high I sometimes feel I'm drowning, and at the same time, the things we are doing in fourth year (well assignment wise)  I really don't find stimulating or interesting nor do I feel that they are preparing me for the way I want to use my Japanese in the future.   After being in Japan, it was obvious that Beecken-sensei has done a lot to allow us to excel in the language, but I still found daily life things difficult in Japan.

That's what frustrates me about learning a language for Academic purposes.  I want to LIVE my language, not vomit it verbateum.  I really was disappointed this week when we had some students from Yamagata University come visit our class this week.  I WANTED to talk to them about a place that I really fell in love with while I was in Japan!  I can really honestly say that those are the only times in Japanese class where I am just burning to speak Japanese.  But no we barely had ten minutes to talk to them and then we had to perform a stupid skit that when it was my groups turn, she was too busy applying the mistakes of the other group onto us that we didn't even perform much of anything and then she says "Well perform it again PERFECTLY on Tuesday".  It was a skit that she originally said was to be our original interpretation of the article we read and she was SUUUUPER vague and then proceeds to rips us apart with stupid details like what side of the Friggin car a Japanese person would be walking on if you were to stop to get a ride!  WTF!!! I hated being made an example of like that (I was already ill that day) I came home and cried, so much so that when I went to my tea lesson Mike-sensei asked if I had been crying.  ( I told him no of course even though I cried half the bike ride there.)  The only class I look forward to is my Tea Ceremony Independent Study which the assignments that Beecken-sensei established really push down the exhilaration I have.  I'm going to talk to her about dropping the research paper and adding more regular readings to my syllabus, but something tells me that won't change, but its a two credit class and when I look at my syllabus and the LJPN 3 credit syllabus the assignments almost mirror each other.

 And at Thursday's lesson I nearly burst into tears a second time over a stupid frustration, my Nonoji (taking the tea whisk out of the tea bowl) because I was having to re do it.  But thankfully Mike is so positive I was able to swallow the tears, I don't think he noticed since I made sure I stared at the tea bowl the whole time.

I hate how class makes learning feel like a chore.  I think that's why I hate school so much because  in that setting for me learning becomes a tortuous chore. 

I love to learn and it really upsets me that I have to wade through a ton of BS assignments and preach to the teacher's ego. And I mean this across the board, not just in Japanese.  Yes I know they need some way to assess us but still it really just stresses me out and makes me want to cry.  These problems are some of the of the reasons I didn't even want to go to college in the first place, and now that I'm almost finished...  I feel like its just going to be a huge relief like dropping a body into the ocean and it will just drift to the bottom and be lost.

And I've been having stress sickeness again.  Pardon me being gross but I haven't thrown up this much since my grandmother was dying last year.  I've only gone yesterday and today without revisiting my  meals at least once in the past like two weeks.

That brings me to the next thing.  Real life, well what I like to secretly call "big girl" life is coming.  I'm now faced with the great question of every graduate, "Well what do I do now?"  I'm always the girl with the plan for everything, but really I feel like I'm drifting in a sea of indecision.  My life can go in a million directions,  I could teach, I could travel, I could just do something totally insane, there is so much!  I feel like I'm drowning in options, and I'm just not sure which float I should latch onto.  My focused plan of teach, teach, teach is totally done a 180 now I'm looking at all this...
-Teach in Japan
-Study tea at Urasenke in Kyoto
-Teach in rural or low income schools in the US
-Graduate school in Europe... to get a degree in Midieval Studies (>o<)
-Tour Guide in Hawaii or California or somewhere to use my Japanese
-Try to find a job with a company that does travel things like the Travel Channel (Could I be the female Anthony Bourdain... psh F YEAH!)
-Working for a travel company that focuses on Asia
-Just say screw it and take my passport to the airport and get on the first plane I can catch and just go SOMEWHERE!! (This has been so tempting of late)  And just see where life takes me.

But unfortunately I can't just jump out into the big wide world, but I want to sooo badly.  There is much I haven't seen, and so many places I haven't been that I am just dying the longer I sit still!!
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If you didn't notice yet...

I haven't been posting here lately... and thats because I'm in JAPAN!!!

So if you aren't already checking me out on tumblr, here's the link!

But I wanted to post here today because I got a message from Reagan today,  I'm worried about him because yesterday he got a letter saying that he wasn't accepted to university,  I guess I sort of knew it was coming because of his grades in teh past but I was really hoping!!!  So he's looking at community college or re-enlisting... I hope for the latter, but anyway the message I got today was,

"Hey, Mama Bear,  I just want you to know that you are the most important person in my life."

I got it when I was out with Sayumi at a Shinto shrine and I almost started crying right there, I was glad I was wearing sunglasses cause my eyes were all watery and stuff.  He rarely opens up to me and it was so out of the blue that I was worried something was really wrong.  He said nothing was, but when I skype with him soon we will see.

I love him so much.

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Oh Seta-先生

I was at Gohan Time Chat yesterday and was sitting with Seta先生, her husband Todd and Ayako, and Ethan.  Ayako asked my about my diet, and Seta先生 flipped out!  She started patting her face and shoulders frantically and saying "ほそい!バトラーさんほそい!ほそい!!!!!!”It was sorta uncomfortable as she asked me why and  how much I lost so far and I had to deny that I was skinny (because to me I'm not where I want to be) and when I told her that my goal was to loose 8kilo more she did that *blink blink* thing and then just kept saying ほそい.   But it was funny to see her sorta twitter about it  and Ayako did the same, it was funny over all I think!

Oh and Todd just sat there like this.  (O.O)

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 I really will be glad when all this is over. This semester has been quite the ride... I've been up to my ponytail with Japan club stuff. Don't get me wrong, I think fundraising is what we should be doing... but when every waking moment practically is spent with fundraising and other Japan Club activities I find myself wearing down very quickly these days. I'm glad things have slowed down a bit but that means things just have to speed up in another area... and that means I have to get working on school work.... So posts as you can see, will be VERY infrequent in the coming weeks. I will mostly be posting on my Tumblr updates on my planning for my trip to Japan in May, you might catch a rant on these pages but if you wanna see more frequent updates then my tumblr is the place to be. Check it out HERE!
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Even though its almost the middle of January! Oops!

I hope the holidays treated you well. Mine were pretty close to perfect, I just returned from a 12 day trip to Boston, MA to visit Mr. Marine in his hometown! It was soo much fun and I wish I could post pictures but unfortunatly you will have to visit my Facebook to see them because the internet is so slow here! Here's  list of things I did while there though!

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    Another Postcard: Barenaked Ladies
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I'm updating, it seems like a small miracle in itself considering the whirlwind my life has turned into. So rather then trying to chronologically organize what has happened since my last post we are going to make a list of what has happened and what to expect. I really don't post here much anymore... and I think there are only like five of you that actually read my babble... but thank you for that!  But in all honestly I'm just trying to clamber back of to the top of the hill of life!


-I was able to spend some time with my grandmother before she passed away in mid-November, I am grateful for your thoughts and prayers, and even more thankful that the Lord has taken her to a better place.

-I spent Thanksgiving in San Diego... I accomplished one of the items on my Life Long To-Do List... I saw the PANDAS at the San Diego Zoo!!!! I only took like 300 photos of their pudgy cuteness.

-I visited a mission in California, San Juan Capistrano, it was a breathtaking experience, something that I will blog about it once I take time to fully contemplate the experience.

-I was able to spend a whole week with Mr. Marine. It was a wonderful week... my cousin Annette says that long distance relationships are the best... "It really is a series of honeymoons and fairytale endings" And I totally agree with her.

-I was able to do one of my favorite things with Reagan, walk together... I miss it so much its nice to just hold hands and slowly stroll in the moonlight... or sit by a fire outside... even though its cold.

-I made it through my junior year of college. I will be a senior next semester! I received A's in both Chaucer and Shakespeare! And while not A's I received B+'s in my Phonology and Morphology grad level course and Japanese! I worked hard and it payed off!

-I said goodbye to all my lovely friends from Japan its always sad to see them go, but I look forward to seeing them this summer!

-I have stepped up as the President of the Japan Club... it is something I have wanted for quite sometime... I was happy to have our former President but yes I was a bit disappointed I didn't have a shot in the beginning, but now I will make the most of this opportunity...

-However in recent events I think a friendship was permanently broken, but I'm not sure if it was truly a friendship or not.

-I saw BLACK SWAN with Gabs. It was INCREDIBLE!!!!! Everyone GO! See it NOW!!!


-I'm back at home spending some much needed time with my family. My mother is struggling over the loss of her own mother, but I am happy to be here, and to the best we can to make the holidays happy.

-I'm getting excited for Christmas

-I'm busting a move on some scholarship stuff, and getting my Japan Club and academic ducks in a row!

-I'm preparing for a trip to Boston to see Reagan... I can't wait! I get to meet his parents and see the big ol' city of Boston! I can hardly wait the remaining SEVEN days!!!

-I'm going after Christmas shopping with Anna a Japanese exchange student it will be tons of fun!


-I will begin making plans to travel to Japan in the summer, as well as saving money for said trip.

-I will be applying to attend Midori Kai tea school in Kyoto Japan after my graduation

-I will be taking 16 credit hours next term

-I will reach my weight goal of becoming something between a size 7 to a 9!!

-Mr. Marine, will no longer be a Marine... that's gonna be a big change for us both!

-I will be changing the name of my blog on blogger

As you can see, my life is full of change and its coming at rapid-fire! And even though somethings haven't gone well, I'm going to take one of my favorite heroine's advice,

"I'll think about that tomorrow... after all tomorrow is another day"

Love and best wishes this holiday season... and I hope you all take a few hours to relax, take a deep breath and enjoy something truly beautiful in what little remains of this year.

PS:  I will be sending out New Year's Cards!  Make sure I have your address if you want one!!!  You can message me here or email or facebook it to me!!!
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So. A Life Decision.

Class seems like its nearly killing me!  So much work but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, graduation is just over a year away!   But I will be thankful for Thanksgiving break with Reagan and my family in San Diego!

I've been pretty negligent in my posting here on LJ and my blogger (which is really my primary blog now)  but yesterday I had tea ceremony (at Tom's outdoor tea room it was a beautiful autmn day PERFECT for tea!!  I wanted to cry it was so perfect!) and because of it I think I'm about to make a huge life decision.

As you all know, I've been wanting to teach in Japan for so long and I'm actually getting excited to teach as I work more with students, like those in the IEP here at CSU.  I know it will be totally different in Japan but I really wanna do this.

That being said, yesterday's tea conversation turned to the Midori Kai Tea School and their scholarship for foreign tea students.  There has been a little conversation about it with Mike-先生 and Christy-先生 has spoken of it, and I've always thought it was a neat opportunity, as I really am developing a passion for Japanese Tea Ceremony.  However yesterday really has convinced me that its something I feel I should pursue further... like apply for it, further.  Everyone in the tea group (at least those present) support the idea, including Mike who seemed really excited that I want to apply.

I would spend a year in Kyoto tuition, room, board, meals and living expenses covered (1,000 dollars a month), and everyday of that year I would spend every waking moment with tea.  Mike said it would be difficult especially for the women as we live in a dormitory with pretty strict rules (like a curfew), and do a lot of cleaning but that wouldn't really bother me.

I would be in KYOTO of all places!!!  This is a place in Japan that has really fascinated me, there is just so much tradition and a uniqueness that I can't place on anywhere else.  I would get to experience so much and be in the company of some of the most talented people in our tea lineage.  Also Sayumi lives there!  I would get to see her like all the time, and I do miss her soo much.

Another thing aside from the aspect of studying a new found passion, once that year is up, I may take an apprenticeship with a sweet shop in Kyoto (if possible), since the sweets are one of my favorite things about tea.  There is a tea teacher in Boston who when I go to visit Reagan I may have a chance to meet, and he is an expert in making sweets) So that would put me at least a year and a half from teaching in Japan which was my original plan.  However I feel that I just can't pass this up and it seems like the perfect time for me to take on a challenge like this.  I would be in Japan regardless, just instead of working I would be pursuing a passion.

I'm pretty sure my parents would say go for it because they always support me (and I love them for that) and I know I can count on Reagan to support me, he doesn't understand I don't think but he's happy when I'm happy and is always willing to understand and support me.  So I guess I have to break the news.  I've been thinking about it for awhile and now with only a year of school left I think now its time to start working towards it.

So much for having plans right?

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    君が追いかけた夢: GACKT
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OH... MAH... GOSH!

Its been forever since I've posted, here or even on my blogger, I've been such a lazy panda this summer!  Apologies!!!!

Anyway the summer is winding down and I'm like  OMFG freak out!  So here's what's happening to me in the next week or two!

TOMORROW:  Japan Club meeting... oh that's gonna be a doosey... I looked at the notes Kaylee made and it makes me wanna cry!

THURSDAY: Reagan comes to visit and that's a whole other set of issues.  He's staying at the house with me and the parents... won't seperate beds be exciting... ugh.

AUGUST 17th: I move into my new apartment!  In Prospect Plaza!  I'm excited cause I have friends that live there (Sydney and Ryoko) and it's so close to campus that I can have people over all the time!!

AUGUST 23rd:  School starts... shit!  I still haven't gotten into the graduate class that I sorta need, but I can take other courses but its soo perfect for what I wanna do but I'm pretty sure the professor isn't gonna let me in.  Also I said I was gonna do all this stuff for Japanese and study... and have I done anything.... pretty much no.  Trust me I will get it done but I have ZERO motivation at the moment.  So the J-CUP and Grammer stuff is yet to be done.

In GOOD NEWS:  I heard there will be at least six new Japanese students this term!  YAY!  Also I got a haircut! Sorry I will post a better pic soon!

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So Phen made a mail post, and I figured I would too, cause I've had some mail recently too, unfortunately my new camera from Reagan has yet to arrive so I've been using my sisters...  And I have bought a lot of stuff lately too, but that can wait.  I have to update my poupee sooo bad!

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His findings are in.

And he gets to stay in!  He is fit for duty!  He gets to finish out his contract and is able to reenlist!!

I'm so happy!!

However I'm not sure he's happy about it.
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